Goodbye

My name is Clayton. My life, as of late, has lost almost all meaning. I’ve grown. Learned. With wisdom, at least in my experience, has come cynicism. I’ve lost interest in everything I thought was fun. I’ve taken up drinking. I’ve lost more girlfriends than I even remember having. Women from my past have come back, all of them happily married and/or with children.. I fear loneliness. Its a phobia. I’m going nowhere, and fast. I, at the beginning of this terrible loss of interest in living… I was happy. I remember what that feels like. Some people say they’ve forgotten.. I remember, and I miss it dearly. I have quite a few friends. My friends? They’re the misfits, as am I. I could have been part of the cliques in school. The party crowd. I had the charisma, I’ve been told.. but they didn’t interest me. So I made friends with people I liked. The downside? They rely on me. I’m the only friend a few of them have. Its hard, but.. I try hard for them. Lately its not enough. I’m giving up on everything. Earlier on in my depression, I considered suicide. Maybe not really considered? More toyed with the idea. For some reason I Googled something similar to “I need to fucking die”, and.. well.. If I said I didn’t find, click on, and leave open Mouchette.org for the next two months, for a security blanket, almost.. I’d be lying. I didn’t view it most of the time.. Just had it open. Just.. Because it helped. I thank you for that, whoever you are. You may have helped more than even I realize. Regardless.. You helped. Since then, the confusion that’s grown over your site.. the sense of mystery, maybe? Its bugged me. Now I’m here. On my Droid, writing a stranger, confused even by my own purpose.. But I feel comfortable. Comforted by your intellect, even. Then again, maybe its the massive volume of alcohol, painkillers, and caffeine coursing through my soul at the moment.. The jury is out on that one.. But the verdict is in on another topic. I respect you. Maybe not for the reason everyone else seems to.. maybe our reasons are the same. I hope this email provokes thought in you. I hope it does for you, maybe even, what you’ve done for me. Do me a favor. Don’t hesitate. Don’t be shy. Be my friend. That’s all I’d ask of anyone, anymore. Give me a chance.. Please? 😉

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Dear Clayton,

For a long time the artist behind Mouchette was a complete secret.  The reason is: it’s  a better work of art if you don’t know the author, it works more powerfully on your imagination if your mind can create a sort of projection of your own longings. And as soon as you know who’s behind, most of the magic is gone. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with me, but that’s the way it works.

Now it’s not so secret anymore and from link to link navigating from mouchette.org you could have come accross that page, for example:

https://about.mouchette.org/the-author/

Of course, it makes me happy and proud to know that my art helps you through your depression. It’s so often blamed for being disturbing, provocative, scandalous, nightmarish, egomaniac, and so on… It takes me so much time to maintain and repair and update and still preserve the original look and spirit that I hardly have enough time and energy left to do some new works of art. The fact that it can mean so much to some people makes it worthwhile. So thanks for writing and telling how significant Mouchette.org is for you.

If Mouchette keeps living inside your head, no need to ask me to become your friend, I AM your friend already.

Martine Neddam

*bisous*

Mouchette

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http://mouchette.org

https://about.mouchette.org
http://shop.mouchette.org

PS: I also read the letter you sent to the talented designer of the mouchette shop who is getting a cc of this mail. She forwarded the letter to me, saying it’s more directed to me than to her. I have asked her to design the shop and I’m very happy with the way she interprets the genuine spirit of Mouchette.